Her Beautiful Struggle to Achieving Balance between Things and Experience

fulfilled Establishing a quality of life transition from being a young girl to mature womanhood involves the perfect balance between desires, needs and wants. It has been the role of civilized fathers for thousands of years to help their daughters establish this balance for her to live a well-rounded quality life as an adult woman. In this article, we are going to share the secret of fatherhood for the sistas to take away and use as her own guide. The source of this lesson to help a sista achieve quality of life comes from the greatest source in the world which is a daddy love for his most precious daughter and we sharing that information. By nature, we humans are designed to chase things and experience to give meaning and purpose to our lives. The key to having a quality of life is striking a balance between things and experiences and establishing a symbiotic relationship between things and experience. Some sistas admire things too much and get caught up in material possessions while other sistas want to experience things too much and get caught up in intangibles. In this article, we are going to discuss how sistas can achieve her perfect balance to have a prosperous and meaningful life. Chasing Things things Things are the material stuff we see and touch from food, clothing, shelter and accessories. Gathering food such as grocery shopping is chasing things as well as shopping for heels and clutches. What matters is the utility value of the things we chase. We have to gather food to eat so we can continue living. A sista can shop for designer products to satisfy her desire for a wanted item. So the pursuit of things boils down to gathering items based on fulfilling needs and wants. The imbalance of chasing things among Black women is the competition for things among other sistas. What sista got the hottest heels, which sista got the best man or driving the best car and so on. All of this came about with the so-called rise of the “independent Black woman” and what sistas don’t know is the whole “woman empowerment movement” is really a government/corporate drive to create a new class of consumers to support capitalism. In the early 1900s the sign of an independent woman was her ability to buy cigarettes and smoke them. Then it came to sistas buying cars and buying her own clothes and this is the social measurement of a so-called independent woman. You hear all the time this “women buying power” when the discussion of independent sistas is brought up. Now you hear the term “income equality” being tossed around. All of this is centered on one concept – to get women to chase material things as a mean to pursue a status as an independent woman. So what we are seeing among sistas since the 1980s to current is the chasing of status through things. This is where sistas drive around in an E-class Mercedes to be seen but she spends thousands each visit to the repair shop and on maintenance and keeping the car looking good. Or the sista chasing the single mom/independent woman status is working a mundane job 8+ hours a day where she goes to the grocery store after work to buy food, pick up kids from an expensive daycare center, pay rent, bills and buy lipstick or new shoes at the mall once in a while. Then the next thing you know, she got over 50 pairs of shoes in her closet, clothes all lined up, purses all over the place, things with tags still on it. The car – it has to stay clean. The weave and hair extension – another $600 to $700 to keep the look going. Using credit cards and other debt instruments to maintain the status. Then she enters a state of perpetual debt and seeking to find new things to spend money on, this is the so-called independent Black woman which is nothing more than a debt-laden consumer that has to work a job or use her tax refund to maintain the status. Chasing Experience experience Experience is actions we take during moments in our life to produce a feeling. Performing a hobby is a personal experience while hanging out at party is a social experience. Travelling away is a getaway experience and getting married or getting pregnant is a life experience. The goal of chasing experience is to produce a feeling or a dopamine rush of excitement from the experience - which also means taking narcotics and drugs is chasing an experience. Going to Italy is an experience for the sistas to say this is what she went and done to talk about that experience to others. Going to a concert, play or festival is another experience sistas like to pursue to enjoy herself. Having a relationship with a specific type of guy like dating outside of her ethnicity is also chasing an experience. All of these experiences are done to create some kind of feeling and share the experience among others. The imbalance of chasing experience occurs when sistas want to share the experience among others than enjoy the full value of the experience on a personal level. This is where the sista want to brag about being in a relationship with a man than the actual one-on-one experience of being in a relationship with a man. Or where the sista take selfies to enjoy the experience of getting guys to like her Instagram or Facebook. My favorite is the overseas trips – sistas be taking pictures at tourist sites to show off the pictures but do not take the off-beaten path and personal soul searching. The best one was the divorce – want to share the divorce experience with others while manipulating her own kids and maligning the ex-husband. A lot of sistas are engaged in this “drama” and want to share the drama experience among others when she is the one taking the personal damage. When it comes to dating, women look for the experience she gets out of the relationship and when it comes to Black women, the sistas tend to look for sexualized experience and this is extremely not good. Sistas like to talk about pretty men to other sistas and how the sex was good and the brotha does something she never “experienced” before and she is chasing so-called sexy brothas. Then the sista and her "pretty boy man" end up doing lame experiences together in the real world like a lame cruise ship trip filled with pictures and paid excursions or she hanging out watching him play pickup basketball – some experience, huh? The truth is, the sista is more interested in talking about experience to others instead of personally enjoying experiences that are self-fulfilling. Entitlement versus Empowerment empower How a sista approach the balance of things versus experience is her perspective of entitlement versus empowerment. A sista that feels entitled is going to confuse her wants as needs and she will need that purse that is in the store display window. A sista that feel entitled to have a baby because she want one is going to go off and get pregnant because she feel entitled to the experience of having a baby. Where sistas get caught up a lot in their life is having the entitled mentality towards things and experience and this is where she get into things bigger than what she thought. A sista that is empowered uses things and experiences to empower herself. She chases items that empowers her such as yoga pants to exercise, relax in and show off curves at the same time. She goes to Italy and Paris to not to be a tourist but to bring back items to sell for a trunk show at her job taking pictures of each item on a tablet to pass around at work. When it comes to an experience a sista will do things to fulfill herself, including helping others to fulfill her sense of purpose. When she is in a relationship with a man, she will help create an experience for both of them to enjoy that is non-sexual but soul-fulfilling to both parties. The difference between an entitlement mentality and an empowered mentality is an entitled mentality seek outside status while an empowered mentality seek inside fulfillment. As a brotha, we can detect a sista who is only seen with men who have nice cars, nice clothes or he appear to be some pretty boy and detect her entitled mentality. And we brothas can detect a sista who is seen hanging out with a guy at his cookout, she is fixing her own car, see her walking alone into the airport with a hiking backpacks headed to Nicaragua and she is riding on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago on the back of her boyfriend motorcycle hugging him around the torso with her butt sticking out. So we mature brothas already know an entitled sista and known an empowered sista when we looking around. The Beautiful Solution experienced The solution for sistas to achieving a balance between things and experience is to focus on empowerment through self-fulfillment. Do not chase things that make you feel good but chase things that make you better. Buy an exercise outfit or equipment that will make you a better person and workout better and join a running club. Buy a car like a Fiat 500 that is fun to drive and have good gas mileage and affordable to maintain. When it comes to experience, focus on self-fulfillment not what other people will think. If you want to help out the underprivileged through after school tutoring, do so for personal fulfillment and don’t even publicize it. If you go to Italy, spend some time at Piazza Navona and just do nothing but sit and relax near the fountain reflecting on how you got there. Focus on making everything around you work for you and make your life better. What is more important is to establish a relationship between things and experience. A purse will not give a sista an experience. Buying a camera will give a sista the experience of taking pictures of beautiful things and beautiful people around her. Buying a computer will give the sista the experience of finding a good 100K+ job centered on promoting a digital lifestyle. Working and living in urban Manhattan or Los Angeles gives the experience of everyday hustle and bustle and revolve around the urban experience such as food trucks, running clubs, rooftop parties, etc. So in summary let’s explain the process: Design Your Experience. What kind of life do you as a sista want to pursue? Do you want to be a married wife of a celebrity or professional athlete? Do you want to be a corporate go-getter? Do you want to be an urbanite with a fashion boutique? Do you want to be a world traveler? Do you want to be an active lifestyle sista? Define the experience you want to be right here and right now. Keep in mind that a good quality life consist of having multiple experiences so do not try to set up your experience to be the rest of your life. Learn to grow and move from one experience to the next. Buy Things to Support Your Experience. Once you defined your experience, then clean house and buy everything to support the experience you are pursuing. If you want to move to Los Angeles from Chicago, then get rid of all the cold weather stuff, get rid of the Chicago stuff and focus only on the LA experience. If you want to be an artist, then live at the studio and focus on establishing an image and a following. Everything you buy from the food you eat, the clothes you wear to the men you sistas choose to hang out with should revolve around the self-fulfilling experience you are seeking. Bonus: Rent/Share the Experience. In the circular and sharing economy, sistas should be able to use resources such as rent the runway and other sharing resources to enjoy an experience. Learn to use resources such as airBnB for example to find a place to crash which could be another young sista like her living in Upper East Manhattan. Most things do not need to be purchased anymore to support an experience and can be rented or be a shared resource for everybody to utilize to create an experience. Right now, far too many sistas who did not receive proper upbringing by their fathers are buying purses and heels, sitting on the couch watching reality TV and Scandal, chasing some pretty boy so she can brag to other girls the pretty boy chose her, hang out at some club buying drinks and working some mundane job and she end up wondering why she is not happy when she is alone in her bed, even when someone is sleeping next to her. For sistas to find a quality of life where she will be happy and find fulfillment, she must learn how to define and chase experiences and revolve everything around the experience to achieve a beautiful balance.

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