Why Black Women Should Leave the Ghetto Protestant Black Church Behind to Discover Her True Life Purpose

purpose One of the thing a mature brotha recognize is he cannot seriously deal with a sista that prays too much and goes to church too much talking about her pastor. It is already bad enough you see these same saved sistas asking for greasy pork bacon to go with their eggs when you at the café ordering breakfast but this whole churchy crap among the sistas is just extremely sad and self-marginalizing. My impression of the Black church with the so-called pastor is that Black women spent the last 30 years patronizing offshoot ghetto mentality Protestant churches like borderline micro-cults designed to take a sista money just to tell her whatever she want to hear. Real church is organized action, not organized sermon and prayer. Any bum on the street can do a street corner sermon and anyone with a mouth can do prayer. The problem with sistas is as much as they talk about prayer, you just look right at her and see that all she does is run her mouth and perform no action. I dated churchy Black women and when something happen, they screaming all loud and start mumbling some prayer while things are going down. Then I dated other sistas when things go down, she springing into action handling things and making stuff happen right then and there. And guess what? When you are about action, then you truly recognize the power of God because that is what God is about, making things happen. Sitting around talking about prayer is the biggest crap I ever heard and I’m trying to figure where this crap came from. The problem with prayer is these are people just running their mouth and it cannot be clearer than that. Real talk – check them out when they talk about prayer and look all at them. You will notice all they doing is talking and hope the words that come out of their mouth will manipulate you to agree with their viewpoint. But most important, so-called prayers are really the most selfish crap I ever heard of in my life. Because when someone says they will pray for someone, what they really saying is they are not going to take actions and will just talk to themselves to absolve themselves of caring about someone else problem. So if a sista said she lost her job and have an interview tomorrow and I don’t give a care about her, I will simply tell her I will pray for her. But if I care about her, I will go into action and ask her if she need any help with the interview and make sure I share my experience and drive a sista to the interview watching her kids in the car in the parking lot. That’s taking action and God is about taking action, not talking. It’s funny because if you read Dream and Hustle for a while, I have pointed out over and over again Black people love to run their mouth about anecdotal. Black folks always have a cousin who prayed and they were cured of stage iv cancer or someone prayed for money and won $300 from the off-track-betting facility. Black people love some talking about what other people went through or like to make up some cute fiction testimony about what they been through and how prayers changed everything – real talk, go ahead and read and listen to Black people conversations and you will notice I’m right about the anecdotal crap. Then someone says “amen” to that anecdotal story about prayer and Black people been running that ghetto protestant hustle for the longest time in our community. Then when it comes to church, it’s basically a manipulation game of weak-minded sistas. Sistas give her money up as tithes, sistas be looking and fighting over pretty boys in the church not realizing he is HIV positive or just got out of jail, pastor be telling these sistas something she want to hear. Now let’s stop here – I didn’t say the pastor be doing something for these sistas that she need to hear – I said the pastor be saying something these sistas want to hear. You then realize that cats like Tyler Perry, Steve Harvey and who is that midget character – yeah, Roland Martin – all of them stole the same formula from the ghetto protestant church to hustle the sistas to make money telling sistas what she wants to hear. And you know that is the game the shady brothas play right in the name of God? The brothas go in church, find a sista, he get her to talk about what’s wrong with her and her negative problems and then the brotha talk about praying with her, he calling her to see if she alright and he basically go through the routine of talking his way into having casual sex with her – 2 to 3.5 week timeframe. Then he runs off to another church his boys told him about and run the same script over again. Then the sistas at the new ghetto protestant church be like “who is this new brotha?” and the sistas at the new church start fighting over this snake brotha. The funny part is this is 2014 – we all know the sistas know this is going on but she allow it to happen. I got one brotha bragging some dumb church chick here in Atlanta paying for him to go with her on a vacation in the Caribbean and he don’t even know her. So let’s just put it out there – the Catholic Church promotes marriage and family as well as Judaism while Islam and Hindu promotes arrangement of marriages and you have even the most basic tribes in Africa where the focus is on finding a mate to raise a family. But the ghetto protestant Black church do not promote family and marriage – it currently promotes opportunist dudes f*cking weak-minded sistas and getting her to pay up tithes. But guess what happens when a sista get smart to the game? The church actually makes move to kick her out of the church! This is real talk! If a sista expose that cats in the church are f*cking all the sistas, the pastor and the elder all-male flock and the elder women who being screwed also make a move to get that agitator sista out of the church and even file restraining orders! The Real Talk for Sistas When It Comes to Religion Look sistas, you are going to see these fake ghetto xtians run their damn mouth and they will think their vocabulary can manipulate which is what snakes and con artists do – try to talk to you and they gang up as a cult on you and think they can group talk you sistas to see things their way. But you sistas have to look around with the eyes God gave you and recognize that ghetto protestant church ain’t promoting family and marriage and community like the Amish or the Catholics be doing and call out BS when you see it. If you ain’t seeing action and just hearing holy words like “spiritual” and stuff like that, you sistas need to recognize religious-based garbage and a hustle when it’s all in your face. The first thing a sista need to do is leave the ghetto protestant church and leave those clowns behind. Stop trying to admire pastors who are just mortal males and learn to establish a personal relationship with God. A relationship with God can take you sistas to the other side of the world and to the tallest mountain while a relationship with a ghetto protestant church can only take you into petty drama and stress you don’t need right now. Stop letting these Black men preying in these ghetto protestant churches run around talking about they so holy and righteous and all that other crap – they just trying to keep a conversation with you sistas so you can get comfortable around them and you eventually give them some booty. You sistas know that’s the game – we brothas call you, talk to you, spend time with you and you sistas ignore all the other brothas and just let one of us brothas talk to you and you sistas eventually get comfortable and give up the booty – that’s been the mating game for 1,000s of years but the ghetto protestant church just perfected that mating game and use your sistas as lambs to the slaughterhouse. After you sistas leave the church and you decide to establish a personal relationship with God, then accept your womanhood. Accept being a mother, accept dating and being a girlfriend in good quality relationships, accept being a wife in a good quality relationship. But most important, start doing things you sistas want to do like start your own business, start travelling, start speaking up on issues affecting women and do with while you have that strong bonded relationship with God and don’t let anybody come between you and your relationship with God. And here is the most important thing sistas need to take away and realize – the real cats who are about God are not running their mouth but they are out there taking action. If your house is burning down, do you want the dude at the church who pray and talk about spiritual or do you want the Chicago Firefighter that makes $80,000/year who runs in and kicks in the door where you children are trapped and bring them out, go back in and bring out your pet parakeet and give your pet parakeet mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? You sistas need to recognize the real men who are about it and learn to find these men. Men who are out there taking action ain’t got time to sweet talk you sistas out of your panties - we real men got real work to do in this real world. It is your responsibility as a sista to find real people and bring people in your life who are about it and about action and surround yourself with positive people. Now for the xtian crazies who going to come around and say “prayers work” and other cutesy spiritual stuff, just remember that these people are selfish morons. They will see someone else suffer and they will say “I will pray for them” which means they ain’t willing to do anything but close their eyes and pretending they talking to some omnipotent deity to take care of a situation you going through instead of taking personal action to help you out. Sistas, stop letting people come around you running their mouth – tell them to shut up talking to you and be blunt. Become focused only on your personal mission and only deal with people who are about action and free yourself from the worthless cats who trying to manipulate you with God. No one can manipulate you about God or talk to you about God when you have a personal relationship with God. And as soon as you sistas establish that relationship with God, you will see these ghetto protestant clowns and their rhetoric disappear from your life. You will start meeting friends and peers who are about action and you will find purpose and fulfillment. You will start doing things like join a running club with positive actionable people, bring toys to a shelter for the kids with the same money you used to tithe some pastor with, start traveling to Italy and hang out in Florence and just enjoying your life. I’m sorry to say but as a real Black man, I simply cannot deal with the churchy sistas who are weak-minded and stuck in a cult-like ghetto religious system paying some pastor tithes and just about talking and emotional letting too much. I like a sista that has a relationship with God and found her personal purpose and out there doing actionable things with the life she got to make things better for herself and others. And most important, I don’t do sistas that pray to God, I like to be with sistas where we celebrate having a personal relationship with God through our actions. The sistas need to leave the ghetto protestant church, seek out her true womanhood, establish a relationship with God and take action that gives her purpose and fulfillment.

23 thoughts on “Why Black Women Should Leave the Ghetto Protestant Black Church Behind to Discover Her True Life Purpose

  1. I have to say the Black church is the coldest pimping in the country, maybe the world. You have a congregation full of women trusting the pastor more than they trust their husbands. These women are faithfully giving 10% of their gross every pay period. And it’s all tax free. The whole setup goes unquestioned. It’s obvious the pastor is living well off the tithe money. Many pastors have out of control bad ass kids but have a lot of parenting advice for the congregation. On top of all that, if they get in trouble all they have to say is God forgives and everything’s okay. Eddie Long still has his position. This only works with the church.

    I’m glad you wrote this. I hope it goes viral.

    1. @Vic78 – I didn’t think of it that way but the pimp game is exactly the same as these pastors. Recruit women, tell her what she want to hear, have sex with her and make her give him her money. But just like pimps don’t have to have direct sex, the pastor bring other guys around and make the guys put money in the church to get access to the women at his church. This is exactly what I seen basically all my life now that i reflect on it.

      No sista should be going to these churches and need to abandon them just as fast as the good brothas left these ghetto churches alone decades ago.

    2. @Vic78 You’re so right LOL, especially about the bad kids! The church I grew up in, my “pastor” was constantly giving people advice on children while his sons were all tatted up, fornicating, underage drinking, foul mouths, womanizers, skipping church, barely passing in school, etc. So it was no surprise that most of the children in my church were just as lascivious too sitting under this fool. But people patronized him b/c he played them well, he told them what they wanted to hear and they gave him their loyalty (& money) …. you should’ve heard how many of the members talked about him, you would think he was Jesus in the flesh when really he was everything but (don’t get me started). It’s sick!

      @ed good article!! Another thing I noticed is that the majority of these “church” women are single women with children with no man nor ring in sight …. need I say more? Also, most of them will stay that way considering they’re usually so busy with church work during their free time that they have little to no time to nourish a serious relationship or get in the gym to lose weight to better their options. As a saved man, I have evidence this religion crap today is not of God. It’s a way for man to control man and get richer and praised while doing it. I live in Dallas and it’s so bad here man. One of my friends go to the Potter House (TD Jakes’ church) and the stuff I hear going on there will make you want to throw up. It’s all fake, money oriented, and worshipping Jakes, very much a cult like all religious institutions …. their lives are falling apart and they have profound problems but they convince themselves all is well just b/c they’re going to church or finically “blessed”, crazy!

  2. Ed,
    I’ve been thinking for the last few years that some of these pastors don’t want the single women to get married. I remember when my former pastor found out that I was dating this guy. Man, the pastor sweated me with a thousand questions and just with those questions, he had me growing suspicious of the guy.

    This same pastor also refused to marry one of the single women because her fiance didn’t speak in tongues. When I heard this, I was like huh? Did he beat her? Steal her money? Cheat on her? Was he a bum dude? Nope, he didn’t speak in tongues and therefore she shouldn’t marry him.

    And yeah, the praying, churchy chicks are usually all talk and no action. They spend all day in the workplace talking about God, trying to get people to come to their church, and not doing an ounce of work and not knowing that nobody likes them and they’re not a good witness for God. I had one of them ask me to pray for her. I asked point blank, “You can’t get a prayer through?” Can’t even pray for herself.

    A lot of the foolishness in these churches go unchecked because if you say anything then you’re judging.

    1. @Jackie – I’m probably more concerned that the pastor actually felt he had to approach you and ask you about your dating life? Where did that come from? That sounds controlling to me.

      I’m not speaking about you directly Jackie but this is the frustrating part of why Black men are avoiding dating the majority of sistas anymore – this is straight intolerable for Black women to be letting a pastor or any guy step into their life and be all up in their business. Yall sistas see him as a pastor – we brothas see him as someone running game on chicks. That’s why we Black men lose all 100% of respect we have for a sista from stuff like that. No real Black man will ever stand up and say they love a Black woman who speak highly of a pastor – no man whatsoever.

      When someone talks about prayer and their church and their pastor other stuff, they are no different than these cult members and the Jim Jones and Kool-Aid stuff. The key is to keep them as far away as possible as they have nothing productive or positive to bring to the table.

  3. I truly feel like this is a problem, but for the most part every woman in the church is not a part of the bad bunch-I pray about it but I also take action. I don’t think God gave me five senses to not use them. Is there an issue in the church with women and the so called “pulpit pimp”, of course! Do I think black women should stay away from the church, no I don’t. I think the priorities need to be reexamined a bit…but to each its own. Do you think that if women stay away from the church, this will help her? You stated, “The sistas need to leave the ghetto protestant church, seek out her true womanhood, establish a relationship with God and take action that gives her purpose and fulfillment”….I agree with you but I also think there is nothing wrong with giving an hour of your time to attend a service. I believe that you can seek out true womanhood and have a relationship with God, while attending church. The key to it is finding balance to it all.

    1. Sedaria – we are the company we keep. I feel God is too awesome to worship around trifling simple-mineded people. Not saying women should not go to church but to stop going to these ghetto protestant churches.

      If I went to a church and saw no real women there of true character then I’m back peddling quickly. I hope women take the same line of thought when she go to a church and do not see real men of character there.

      For the most part and this been since the 1990s is these types of churches are setup to take money from Black women and game women without true empowerment.

      There is no question and the general consensus is the current setup of these ghetto churches is to exploit and take advantage of black women. There are only a small anecdotal handful of exceptions that cannot take away from the majority.

  4. Ed,

    For the most part you are correct. I do feel like the so called churches prey upon black women, single black women, and out of work black women and using them for what is obviously necessary-money. However, what is true character? Do you mean a man that believes in taking care of his family, with no intent to be malicious in relationship? I mean, no one is perfect but I see men of character who obviously are not perfect and still human. But the church should step up and out of the box and give what is really needed in the community and these women lives..

  5. I believe “true” and “perfect” are subjective terms to discount entities that are doing a great job with an unrealistic standards. Just because another entity isn’t perfect does not discount the culture and enviroment of ghetto protestant churches.

    Is the Catholic church true and perfect? No but they had maintained Catholic schools in the black community after the whites left, they maintain hospitals like st luke or st michael and they maintained churches in these Black communities.

    What has the ghetto protestant church built in terms of a community private school, not pre-daycare but a real school or hospital, not a medical clinic but a real hospital in our communities?

    What we seeing in the Black community is mega-rich mega-church people promoting a male ego driven sexist environment against black women. When you offer the Catholic church money you know it keeping st Luke hospital treating the sick, when you tithe to a mega church pastor, he got a nicer house to show off.

    Whether a man is good or perfect is irrelevant for discussion – no mortal and their human behavior should matter to someone life personal journey. What matters is how Black women approach her path to finding her true purpose and fulfilment and find the environment to help her arrive to that point. I don’t believe ghetto protestant churches is a viable channel.

  6. Hey Ed,
    Sorry, I just saw your comment to me. I normally kept my dating life private (still do), but when I started dating that guy, I told some people at the church and then it got back to the pastor, and one night at our Christmas banquet, the pastor got me alone and asked me all kinds of questions about the man. I thought it was weird and inappropriate then, but kept going to the church. it wasn’t until he told the other woman that she shouldn’t marry the one guy because he didn’t speak in tongues that I lost all respect for him.

    I finally left when I found out that years before he “rented a room” at one of the single woman’s house, when him and his wife were separated (they later reconciled), but I don’t think the wife ever knew that he stayed there. All the married couples in the church and he stayed with a single woman? I guess the husbands knew not to have him around their wives. I had to leave before all hell broke loose. I didn’t like the fact that people in the church knew that, and the wife didn’t.

  7. Hey ED!! Im not able to comment on some of your articles. Especially the Consignment cubes for the sistas. Please let me know that you got this. Im not sure why I can’t comment and im subscribed to your site. I read your articles and have written down the steps to build a structure from what you have been giving us. Thanks 🙂

  8. OK, I bought the items for the cube and all of a sudden…you are not doing it anymore? I am not the majority and I am ready to make some things happen. Do you have other options for this? FB group that you were talking about?

    1. I’m still doing everything, just not through a public web site anymore where my own people be leaving me out there or trying to “no comment” on me. Are you in Atlanta?

    1. Memphis is by far the worst place to find black women who aren’t brainwashed. I live here. In my opinion it is a horrible, God-forsaken town.

  9. I adore my mother. One Sunday we attended a mega church. I watch her scan the parking lot. She peers down at me and goes “hmmmmmm”.

    Initially I didn’t think much of it. I assumed Mommie was thinking very busy adult thoughts.

    Fast forward half an hour later I over hear her lamenting to her homegirl that the church parking lot is filled to capacity with several… I mean SEVERAL beat up old hoopties. Meanwhile the Pastor and his wife were beaming radiantly under the hot sun. Matching his and hers BMW’s.

    Just thought I would share. Lol. I love God but I’m pretty leery of his followers.

  10. I am spiritual and it gets frowned upon in Georgia not to believe in a christian god or to attend church. I refuse to date a church-goer. Like the writer of the blog states, don’t idly sit around praying for me when an effective form of help is action. I get irritated when black folks say “I’ll pray for you” as if somehow there words will prove to be more effective than mine. When I have a problem or situation, I use the seven spiritual laws that govern the universe for help. These laws are in operation regardless of what religion you study. In fact, I live my life by these laws. I am not sitting by waiting for some white sky daddy to save me.

  11. Black churches keep black women single. When I hear them ask what church I attend I run in the other direction. It is mental poison and brainwashing. Men and women are equal. All this B-S about submission is antiquated and full of slavery undertones. Nothing good has come from it for black people. It also goes against a woman’s nature to submit. No human should ever submit to another human. It’s a constant battle within black women. They never live up to the nonsense in Christianity so they always feel a sense of guilt when they give into worldly urges. In general other races of women don’t live this contradictory lifestyle. Life isn’t about “perfection”. No one should strive for something so unrealistic. Righteousness is a more realistic and attainable goal. Christianity is for slaves and fools. Any black male or female who lives by it is both. God does not belong to any one religion. Plus the Christian savior was no Christian.

  12. I was approached by a middle age church sista at store about going to church. I told her I didn’t attend church. She all but cast me into hell at that point and gave me some religious tract. I decided to play all along with her and ask her some basic Bible questions like: What were Shadrach Meshach and Abednego’s God given names? What is the oldest book of the Bible Genesis or Job? What Israelite tribe was Christ a member of? The poor woman did not know although she claimed to be a faithful member who never missed a Sunday in 30 years and tithed every Sunday. The Bible talks about people who have the “zeal but not according to knowledge” It’s sad how so many black church people are genuinely ignorant of the scriptures and yet the preachers are not held accountable. Imagine school teacher whose students can’t read or write after semesters of instruction!!

    1. “Imagine school teacher whose students can’t read or write after semesters of instruction!!”

      Don’t need to imagine that….it is real…

  13. It saddens me that so many church sisters and brethren too don’t know the difference between Christianity and the gospel. The difference if you may ask is that one will set you free (Isaiah 61:1-2) and the other will enslave you for generations to come. The proof of this lies in the history of two independent kingdoms Madagascar in the Indian ocean 200 miles off the coast of Africa and the kingdom of Hawaii. These two independent nations were ruled by two remarkable sisters Queen Ranavalona II of Madagascar and Queen Lilliuokalani of Hawaii. Through the connivance and underhandedness of Christian missionaries who gained a considerable amount of influence in both courts, the French and the United States overthrew and displaced both kingdoms respectively. The native Hawaiians and Malagasy became virtual economic slaves and peons in their respective homelands with the collusion of the Christian missionaries and later the Christian churches. We need to be careful my people especially the sisters. Native Hawaiians make up less than 10% of Hawaii’s population while the Malagasy are barely able to scratch out a living on an island that has literally been denuded of its pristine forests and natural resources. Sound famaliar.

  14. Creflo Dollar appealed to his members to contribute to the purchase of a $65 million jet for his personal use. Afterwards CNN asked one of the church sisters her opinion about the jet plane purchase. She stated that she”thought it was necessary for her pastor to have the best because he did so much traveling and that he needed something reliable.” She also said that she would be contributing towards the $65million purchase. At the conclusion of her interview she got on the city bus. Keep in mind that the U S Air Force’s high performance fighter jets the F-16 ($30 million) and F-18(35million) don’t cost as much as Creflo’s private jet fantasy. Sisters need to really wake up and question these false prophets in the hood the way the Israelites did in Deut.18.

  15. Ed I’m glad to reply b/c this religiosity amongst black women is sickening. Yes, the world is mean to us-telling how much we don’t matter, how ugly we are ( by Scientific articles, as well as some of our black men), and that we are just no good. Black women have been led to believe that the men (usually the Preacher, Deacons) of the church are the only ones who give them some positive light – The preacher says the following to women in countless churches: ” Thanks Sis _ for reading the announcements”, ” Sing It Sis _”!, Church Mother Status, Sis_ brought some of that famous sweet potato pie. Sis_ directs the children’s X-mas program so well each year. Sis_ sells the most tickets each year. What a fine fashion show Sis _ and the ushers had. The preacher who compliments the Fine Hats worn to church. The list goes on. Also, know that the preacher is counting on some Sis_ or Sisters to ” get the holy spirit” to reinforce his message. Black women seem to be the only ones who express this behavior. Some black women are so overtly religious that they can quote scriptures in one breath, and cuss , and threatening to cut in the other. Some talk and brag about their church activities, then are reading to create some “risky, ungodly-like activities. some will argue and holier than thou and think they know the bible better a theologian-when-and are some of the meanest, vile women you’ve ever know.-Ego-tripping!

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