A divorce should be mutually carried out and done in a respectful manner. In the African-American community there is a cottage industry by garbage lawyers targeting married black women and marketing some nonsense about getting sole custody, getting all the assets and sticking it to the ex-husband. In addition, many brothas get caught up and possessive over things and fail to realize he has more advantages than disadvantages and let his emotions take over. But in reality, black children in divorce suffers unnecessary and as a result, a black family unit is destroyed. I been through a divorce and the other party wanted it to be messy but it didn't happened. All I can say is from my perspective, I can post up a mirror pic of my body and show you all my Atlanta girlfriends I got in my circle some who were down with me for over 10 years and you guys know I got global technology skills and hustle to handle mines. I also have great relationships with all my previous girlfriends (and their husband/boyfriends too). I have zero need or desire to be messy and none of that messy stuff was going to fade this guy in any shape form or fashion. Because when I’m done with someone, I already moved on the next one and most important - I don’t care. So there is zero need to use the divorce proceeding to "get back" at people who don’t care and already decided to moved on. Now with that said and this is important – if you and your spouse had decided to divorce then accept the fact it is over. There is no need after filing a divorce to be mad, there is no need to be messy because it is all over. That is like being mad at a person at their funereal, it is all over homey - there is no need to be mad and vengeful, just move the fuck on. So with that said, when you see people being messy in a divorce it is showing their true character at the peak level because if someone want to be messy with a person they once fell in love with and decided to marry, then you know that person ain’t no good to anybody. That is why when you divorce, do it in a mutual respectful manner so both parties can move on and go about their own path. If you loved them enough to marry them in the first place, then have enough respect to let them go when it over. Because here is the problem with African-Americans – you knew damn well the divorce rate among African-Americans is 80% so why any African-American is surprised their marriage didn’t work out? Our people don’t marry right, we don’t do arranged marriages or have the parent bless our marriage properly and we damn sure don’t marry to raise a black family institution. We African-American people marry someone we met in a bullshit environment like a club or ghetto church or we got out of wedlock kids or cohabiting together or some crap like that. And all of you black folks seen other African-Americans have messy divorces trying to keep the kids from each other and fighting over stuff in the marriage, so don’t be acting like you haven’t seen other people go through the negative crap... why would you even repeat that? So here is the deal – in 2015 what I want divorcing African-American couples to do is realize if they want to divorce, then do it in a mutual and respectful manner for both of your sake and the children sake and keep lame ass relatives out of the picture. Only sorry ass relatives involve themselves in a divorce between two people. So stop acting mad at each other and listen to me as I explain to you how to go about your divorce as an African-American couple. Do Not Hire a Messy Divorce Lawyer. This is those scummy lawyers that promise the black women she can take her husband to the cleaners and take the house and kids and get alimony. These scummy lawyers will argue some strategy of trying to get a restraining order to kick the husband out of the house claiming he is violent and she fear for her life to immediately seize control of the house and assets immediately to make it hard for the husband during the divorce process. This is a scheme by the messy lawyer to make sure they can get as much legal fees out of that emotionally weak woman who the lawyer gave her a “win” with that restraining order. But the lawyer will walk away after getting their legal fees and can careless about the damage done to both couples and the damage to the children pulling this kind of extreme adverse divisive crap. Because the truth is, the judges see through this ploy and won’t let a divorce go down like that where the brotha is totally marginalized from a restraining order unless a brotha is real careless about his business. Sell the Goddamn House. The house is not worth shit to no one not in this economy and this is the part of the problem with African-American women that I talked about over and over in terms of her major flaw. We are living in the sharing economy but black women want to go around still wanting to own stuff and have stuff to claim she got it. Just move on and get a new house and to be honest, being in an apartment complex is kind of the bomb. We are living in a transient era where cats move to New York for 6 months and work a job, move to Dallas for 9 months for a job and move to Tokyo for 4 months for a nice gig – that is how it is done now. Just sell the house and move on. Don’t be talking about taking the house from each other when you both need to just go your own way. Now, if the person want the house out of spite, let their ass have it while you go build up and laugh at them still in that same old house. Personally for me, there is no way I want to be in a house talking about I took it from my ex-spouse as if the new spouse or new girlfriend would be happy to hear that story. Let the Assets Go. Do you really want that stuff from the marriage? No, you don’t. Just mutually sell it off with an estate sale or let it go to the bitter spouse. Because one of the best thing I experienced after my divorce was the ability to build up my life again new and free and clear without any reference to the marriage I left behind in my life. Why would I want anything or any object that remind me of what I walked away from? When I’m with my new chick, I’m around new shit and can be happy showing I built up from the ground up. Keep in mind in the future, things will be in the cloud including 3d printing and objects that can be built from the cloud so the African-American woman once again will be finding her desire to take divorce trophy assets out of spite will be phased out. You can do ridesharing and renting so once again, no need to fight over assets in 2015 because of the sharing economy. Shared Custody of the Children. When someone ask for sole custody of children in a divorce filing, that is a clear sign the person who filed for sole custody is the piece of garbage. That is actually worse than a deadbeat to file for sole custody in a divorce filing. Because number one, no judge is going to award sole custody from a marriage unless there is strong evidence like drugs or outrageous behavior. So there is two situations, the spouse married a loser to demand sole custody or the spouse is a bitter vengeful person willing to use their own children to hurt the other parent because they cannot express their anger in any other way but to yank the kids in the contested divorce. But most important and let me explain to the brothas – I know how busy a kid can make a parent and I’m still young. Fuck the money and child support, we are talking time and energy a kid cost so if that other spouse want to give that up to spite and that gives you free time to date other people and hang out with your kids on the weekend, take that deal! And to you brothas this is very important – if the kids are under 12, let her keep them and you go play and don’t fight over those kids. Go do you and enjoy your life and let her be the baby momma – get your hustle up, get a dog and a pickup truck and travel to Costa Rica and Puerto Rico and party it up! Use Mediation. The number one reason to use mediation is because it is cheaper and easier for everybody to move on. The whole messy divorce is what a messy lawyer want because it drags out the whole process especially the restraining order so the divorce lawyer can still get money off their emotional client. That is why most divorces can take years to finalize because people want to go through courts to prove a point to someone who don’t love them anymore and don’t care and want to move on. And that is money for everybody like courts and guardian ad litems and other stuff being taken out of the divorcing couple pocketbook. Now, if your divorcing spouse want to do contested divorce instead of mediation, fire your damn lawyer and save your money and let the other idiot spend their money. Because like I said, that judge is going to do a copy-and-paste divorce final decree of shared custody, refinance or sell the house and assets allocation you can just show up by yourself and just say you love your kids and call it a day. But make sure you both as a divorcing couple do mediation. Control Your Emotions and Move On. There is no need to be mad at each other because you are divorcing. You both don’t want to be with each other and that’s all that need to be accepted. Be mutually accepted of that fact that you both don’t want to be with each other and focus on dissolution of the marriage. If you loved the other person enough to marry them and fuck, eat and shit with them under the same roof then be mature enough to let it go. Because the most important part is that is your character on the line – like I said, this divorced brotha can show you all my girlfriends and my son get to see all my girlfriends and how excited these women are when they are around me. Yeah, my girls be happy as hell to be around Ed because I have character and built myself up and don’t need to be messy and that speaks volume to women out there I’m a real man that can handle adversity and petty stuff. I would look like a piece of garbage going around smiling talking about I divorced someone that I married like I won something or got over. So just treat your divorcing partner with mutual respect, dissolve and don’t argue – let the other person have whatever asset they crying about in the divorce and you focus on rebuilding your life and move on. Now there is one more thing I want to add – do not have some “divorce party” or crap that I believe was done on some reality show. If you have a “divorce party” what you really saying and broadcasting is that you are a piece of shit that no one should ever take seriously ever again. People hopefully believe in true love, believe in marriage and finding someone special and you running around talking about “divorce party”, well that makes you nothing for anybody to aspire to or be inspired by or someone to fall in love with. What you focus on instead is rebuilding your life from scratch post-divorce and making sure everything around you is from you rebuilding yourself, not divorce trophies. So in 2015, if any of you African-Americans are plotting with some scummy lawyer to have an ugly divorce, then I’m telling you to reconsider those ignorant ass plans because nothing will come out of a messy divorce except lawyers and court systems making more money. Accept the fact that people moved on and you focus more on moving on yourself. Don’t be mad or get mad – you only got one life and use this opportunity to rebuild yourself to the person you want to be. How you handle your divorce is your ultimate true test of character – you fuck up how you handle you divorce and that is how you will be treated forever and how people will judge you. Sit down with your partner, agree to terms and give the other person what they want and move on. Sistas, don’t destroy your life trying to be vengeful in your divorce because most guys are just like me and don’t give a shit and if he is Atlanta like I’m in Atlanta, I can assure you that he is most likely already in some new booty somewhere else and making you think he is hurting. In addition, you may be mouthing off to your girlfriends about your divorce but think about it – you are talking to girlfriends that you are stupid enough to shit on the one thing you aspired to in your life which was marrying something and your girlfriend are laughing at your pathetic hurt nature and stupidity for trivializing your own shit. You sistas have to swallow pride and hurt emotions and focus on selling everything off and not try to claim divorce trophies, including the house and just start over with your life. Brothas, don’t get all caught up in wanting to fight over the assets like the home or stuff and let her keep that shit. You don't want that shit anyway, trust me bro. Don’t fight anything about the assets even if she keeping it to be bitter. Start over and you will find that whole experience rewarding. The truth of the matter is, brothas will always come out better in divorce because brothas rebuild their lives while the women try to hold on divorce trophies of the past. If the kids are under 12, let her keep the kids and don’t get hung up and emotionally attached where you acting like a bitch if she keeping you from your kids. Wait until the kids get older because they are not going to really remember that shit anyway at a young age and you wasting your time and money fighting for some young stuff that kid will forget anyway. What you brothas want to do is appreciate the fact you going to have freedom and a new start and it’s plenty of women out there. Here is a hint brotha – if your ex-spouse married your ass, then there are a whole bunch of other women out there willing to marry you also and don’t you forget that fact. Overall, brothas and sistas need to realize black-identity marriages are bound to fail and just accept the fact that is not the way to be about marriage. Don’t get emotional and mad and don’t feel ashamed if the marriage didn’t work, just work to get it over with and take life day by day. But most important, the black community and black couples need to stop celebrating and participating in messy divorces over petty material stuff and throwing kids in the mix and just focus on rebuilding their own lives and having mutual respect for each other to be in a position for them to rebuild their life. Remember that how you handle your divorce is going to be the true state of your character and how people will judge you. I don’t know what the stigma is about divorce, I’m truly happier after my divorce than any period of my life. I was able to rebuild my life and that is a rewarding experience in itself and now able to do things my way and chase my goals my way and can say I been there and lived through that and now I’m more mature and know better. You guys be seeing all my hot girls on my Facebook page and see my first love from over 25 years liking my pics and comments. I couldn't be any happier and hope you brothas and sistas avoid the messy divorce ignorance and focus instead of letting it all go so you can focus on rebuilding so you both can just do you and be happy forever after.