The Diva Guide to Dealing with Haters Doubting and Discounting Her Shine

gossip Nothing brings out more envy than a sista doing her own thing and blazing her own path. The hate comes from all over from men and woman and inside and outside her own family. Society will also use media and standards and will try to tell a sista where she need to be and how far she should go but when a sista go against the grain to pursue her purpose and destiny, people around her will get nasty and will stop at nothing to betray, discount, deceive and try to get her to have self-doubt. In this article, we will discuss strategies for a sista to stay on her path to success and fulfillment and how to deal with those who want to discount her and doubt her and discourage her. The theme here is for sistas to have complete control of who is in her life and who have influence on her life. One thing the majority of you sistas are going to have to understand is the people in your life right now have put themselves there to try to discount and doubt you sistas and you may not realize it until after you read this article. Haters Want to Hijack Your Narrative The way haters try to deal with a sista they hating on is to try to befriend her and then attempt to hijack her narrative. We brothas see it all the time with sistas – the bestie she is hanging out with, we brothas can instantly tell if that bestie is a true friend or a hater. We brothas when being around a sista can instantly pick up all of her haters and that is our primitive intuitive instinct to protect a sista to know who is basically in her life blocking her. We brothas see sistas family members, including her own mother and aunts and brothers and we even see male cousins who have incest attraction and other cats all around a sista talking about they protecting her but we can instantly tell they are her biggest haters. Where sistas make a big mistake is believing these people around her are her “emotional support” and we learn that is the number one reason she keeping them around – for her emotions. This is why we see sistas with a dude all around her everywhere she go even though he just trying to hit it and move on. Or we see sistas with a mobile phone next to her head as she walk all over the place because she cannot walk tall by herself and feel she has to always talk to someone. This is also why we see so many sistas in church because all of the time, sistas draw herself into people around her for that emotional support. But what always happen is the people the sista draw herself around for emotional support, they seek to manipulate the sista for their own personal gain. And they do it by trying to control the narrative. The first way they control the narrative is through fear, uncertainty and doubt – talking about how some men are on the downlow or how a brotha no one even talked to look like he just trying to hit it and quit it. And they try to tear down the sista and tell her what she know or don’t know. Another strategy is to talk about who they know or who they connected to brag about themselves. But the best one of all – they know someone who look like you or do the same job as you to try to discount your skills and abilities and your looks – watch out for that one. If you read this Dream and Hustle comment section for example, you will see dudes come here all the time talking about “who are you?!” or “I never heard of you before” – yeah, notice this idiot come to Dream and Hustle and say they never heard of me before – that’s how stupid they are but they will say that statement because that is what haters have to say. Then they try to say I don’t deserve any attention or recognition – that is trying to make me feel I’m not getting attention from the black elite when I got stuff going on worldwide with the global elite while some black American fool acting like he matters to my empire. And then they say they don’t see me doing anything as if I have to show them my cards and prove myself to them. See, all of this is the same attempt to try to hijack the narrative of Dream and Hustle and what I’m about and how I’m getting down. It’s kind of funny and read some of these haters comments because it is like a template script they must copy and paste and use over and over. Identifying These Haters Who are these haters? Where did these haters come from? These are important questions we must ask if we want to understand and deal with these haters. First of all, you sistas have to look at a really big picture – the minute you were born a female, you were being hated on and seconds after you were born, thoughts were in that delivery room on how to control you for the rest of your life to be somebody else girl and not who you are destined to be as a sista seeking her own fulfillment. It all started in the family and in that household. Then it started in school and community where everybody that sista grew up with feel entitled to her and have priority in her life over anyone else, the clan mentality that sistas now want to label as a clique. So a sista grew up with guys trying to hug her and kiss and touch her booty and hug her booty and make her kiss his thing and all that stuff, all of this is trying to get a young sista to submit herself to someone else narrative. Then when she grows up and get into a career, she will find a new breed of haters and that is older women who are bitter and her peers she hang around pretending to be her friend but want to hang out as “girlfriends” keeping her away from finding her own path in life. So let’s break down a list of haters that be all up in a sista life: Mom – this is usually the central hater figure depending on the mother but most moms are haters. Moms are very sensitive about the fact they are getting older and losing their sexiness while their daughter represent youth and the next sexy and fierce and mommy try her best to tell her daughter to stay in the house, what to wear and what to do in life and who she should marry and date. Male Relatives – these are guys who talk all that “family” crap but if his relative sista look good, he want to f*ck her also but he cannot because he related but he still going to act like a hater because he don’t want to see anybody else do her. He will engage in blocking and also, he don’t want her to succeed further than him and will withdraw support from her doing big things like going to law school or medicine school or take a trip to help orphaned children in Africa. Girlfriends – these are peers who like to clique up with other women and be in the club and other social spots blocking her girlfriend from meeting other guys and discouraging her from starting her own self-branded business. Here is a test we men do to help you sistas – we will say hello to all of you girls in the clique and when we guys do that, look for the woman in your crowd that does not smile – that is your hater. Male Friends – these can be gay guys or just guys who bragging to his friends he want to hit but cannot get up the courage to pursue a sista so he is in her life telling her what guy is good or guy is no good and posting up stupid ass relationship advice on Facebook talking about what a good man should do for a woman. These guys also try to talk a sista out of moving to Atlanta and stuff like that. Significant Other – these are boyfriends and husbands who don’t want to see a sista make more money than him and want to be controlling of her career and moves. He will hate the fact she started a side business or a USB power bank rental service on the weekend. So he will always talk her down and try to portray himself as the breadwinner and can provide instead of realizing he can spend her money also and avoid alimony and high child support. It is important you sistas identify your haters – the best way to tell your haters is just look at who is talking to you and towards you. Everybody around you that is not actively and physically supporting you is suspect, including those close to you. The biggest mistake and most important part of this article – sistas will keep around haters because she looking for emotional support from people who do not support her as much as she think they do. How to Deal With These Haters After a sista taken the courage to recognize how haters operate and who are the haters around her trying to discount her and disrupt her path to prosperity, it’s time for a sista to know how to deal with them. To be honest, it is very simple and straightforward. All you sistas have to do is tell everybody around you that you are going places and ask them bluntly if they support you and look at them and their reaction. Second, talk about your setbacks and progress and how excited you are about your endeavors and smile, look at their reaction. When you notice the ones close to you are not smiling and trying to withhold praise and withhold support, call them out on it and tell them you feel they are withholding support from you. The key is to be blunt with those close to you and do not stay quiet if they are quiet. What you are doing is pressuring those close to you to reveal they are a punk hater and maybe they change or they will disappear and get out of your way – once they get out of your way, don’t deal with them anymore and you have settled how to deal with in-family and close friends hating on you. Now, cats on the Internet and everywhere else – just delete their ass but just do it quietly. Just mark them and two or three days or three weeks later, cut them out. Revenge is a dish best served cold so don’t be a knee-jerk reactionary online, just quietly take them out like a classy dictator. Now those that are talking about you behind your back or trying to discount you publicly and raise doubt about your hustle, call them out. Talk about them back and talk about what you doing and use their name and what they not doing. Don’t sit there and let people talk about you and you do nothing – make sure you always be seen as someone standing up for theirs and send the message if someone want to mess with you, then they getting into some mess. Controlling Your Narrative At the end of the day what you sistas want to do is make sure you control your own narrative in life as a sista. You don’t let people tell you how to present yourself, how to act, how to carry yourself, who to date and how you get your money up. People all around want to control the pretty girl and you have to send the message to everybody around you no one is controlling anything about you. Many of these people are in your life for the sole purpose of trying to stop you sistas from finding a good man, stop you sistas from pursuing your hobbies and goals and to basically keep you as someone they can look at in an objectifying way and as a dependent. homer The goal of a hater when trying to discount you, doubt you and disrupt you is to try to control your narrative. Once you sistas learn to control your narrative and be vocal to everybody what your narrative is, the haters will naturally disappear and you sistas can now go on your path to do you and pursue a purpose-driven life.

4 thoughts on “The Diva Guide to Dealing with Haters Doubting and Discounting Her Shine

  1. Ed,
    I haven’t commented in a while because this is actually what I had to do. February was a rough month, but I was so tired of the nonsense. My hater is my mother. I had to cut her off. I haven’t seen her once since. And I don’t even care.

    I actually wrote a blog post on my website about how I should have cut her off a decade ago. She’s a hater, she wanted me to be a baby mama so I would be dependent on her (she didn’t want me married, just wanted me to have a baby. I’m 35 and have never been pregnant, I know that I don’t want kids. I love my freedom).

    All up in my money situation. Jealous because I never had to ask her for anything. Trying to figure out what I’m selling, so she can sit on the phone with my aunt and tell it. Wanting to know my work schedule so she can work when I work and be off when I’m off, so she can know my every step. Sabotaging me trying to lose weight. Wanting to know “where yo man at?” I’m like why you worrying about him? My mother treated me like a Frenemy. My friend/my enemy.

    I got through the month by working 60 hours every week at my day job, surviving on very little sleep and having the most sells at my side business since I started it.

    For the ladies out there, do what I did. Let them go.

  2. This is sad, but true! Family and so called friends are the last people to support, but the first to feel entitled to claim responsibility for your success. For the short time, I’ve been following this blog, you call it how it is!

  3. Ed your insight is profound, you hit every category of haters that I myself have had to fight in order to gain my own liberation! It is painful when you got to open a can of whup ass on the very folks who you are programmed to believe support you! Having a certain level of self confidence, vision, and drive as a female seems to bring out a kind of wolves mentality where you feel like your being stalked and prey upon and if left unchecked can leave you doubting yourself, your competencies, your talents and leave you feeling stifled, stagnant and scared to take the necessary actions to free yourself!

  4. Ed-

    I’m not sure if you’ve written one or not, but I’d love to see an article like this for the brothas.

    To be honest, blacks, both men and women, are some of the biggest haters that I’ve ever met. I think it comes from having an inferiority complex and low self-esteem. Every brotha doesn’t have to wear “I’m black” tattooed on his face.

    I snowboard/ski, I golf, I am a licensed helicopter pilot, I’ve spent years as an investment banker, I trade stock options, I’m VERY articulate, I am the product of multiple generations of HBCU graduates, including myself.

    If I hear another black person tell me “I talk white” I’m getting to………never mind. No you idiot, I know how to speak and real very well. That’s why I speak the way I do. I’m 41y/o. It’s getting harder and harder to me to find HIGH Caliber blacks like yourself, especially when it comes to brothas.

    Brothas are my BIGGEST haters. No one told them to be average. They chose to be. I’m glad I do not have any daughters. I feel bad for a lot of the GOOD sistas out there that cannot “lock down” a relationship because of so many lame brothas.

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