In 2015, African-American Brothas Need to Reconsider African-American Sistas as First Choice

Black male model wearing hoodie serious expression This message is for the younger brothas and the majority of grown brothas will agree with me – you brothas are going to have to look beyond sistas and explore every option available to you for a partner and soulmate. I believe me, Tariq Nasheed, Tommy Sotomayor, maybe Jason Black or any other guy out there no matter how we feel, man-to-man, we are giving you real-world experience and advice. The only one I can see not agreeing is Dr. Umar Johnson claiming sistas are queens while he runs around banging a stripper. As a black man, you think discrimination is a problem or police brutality is a problem? Go ahead and watch sistas sneak into your life while you trying to come up, call you all the damn time to talk about nothing when you trying to side hustle and ask if you can come over and watch some dumb stuff on TV. Then if you stupid enough, she want to be in your crib and all in your business wondering who else you messing with. Then if you are an idiot, get her pregnant and then that is where the fun begin. She got excuses why she cannot go to LA Fitness with you and yall work out together but she got all the time in the world to go see a black comedian perform or a ghetto black play performance. Here is the problem and I mentioned this before – you brothas think you are dating a sista but what you are really dating is a byproduct of social experiments conducted by liberals and feminists. These sistas been told they don’t need a man and the government and non-profits can foot their bill and the sistas went along with it. They chatter among each other like chickenheads saying they don’t need a man. Then they grew into subcultures that express hatred towards black marriage and now you see sistas the main one trying to talk rumors about someone else divorcing in our community. They show each other how to use the courts to keep a man away from his child and get him to pay child support. When I was going through my divorce, I decided beforehand to pay these courts a visit and day after day, it was sistas coming in making all kind of crazy accusations against brothas who look like a deer in the headlights not believing what was being happened to him. And you know what I saw, lawyers smiling with her female client like they “got over” while charging their female client with a percentage of the money. You guys want to talk about racist District Attorneys – go sit your behind up in these family courts and look at sistas prosecuting brothas with lies about being scared for her life and their child is scared of their black father that has no basis in facts and she smiling after leaving court. Then you see it a whole another level of attacks against the black men that people like Dr. Umar Johnson refused to acknowledge so he can keep the rhetoric about sistas are queens. These ain’t queens, these are your enemies brothas that you brothas chosen to sleep with. Steve Harvey better not say anything either because he know better from his own experience. Look, you young brothas deserve better than that. You brothas are working hard to be your own man and some of you came back from Iraq and Afghanistan and I thank you for your service. Many of you want to do great things and I know you want a family with kids and a stable home and a woman that is going to be by your side. And what I’m telling you brothas is straight up – if you want all of that, look beyond the sistas and if you struggling to agree, then look at the sistas current activity that involve so much negativity. Then look elsewhere and go elsewhere and what you will find is a lot of other women from other cultures who will admire you for being ambitious and success-driven and will be there by your side, even as a friend. When I started dating non-black sistas, the first thing I learned about myself was I was conditioned to the negative condescending treatment by sistas and these other women pointed it out to me with my behavior. I had a few non-black sistas told me – these black women are not your friend and I had one non-black sista who snuck around black women I knew at a job I worked at and she heard them talking bad about me behind my back but these same sistas smiling in my face. Over and over by Indian and Asian and Latino, I was told that I had a lot of subtle negativity in me and that they saw a good brotha and a good person who had to deal with that. With that insight, I released myself from dating sistas subscribing to negativity and even associating with anybody who is about negativity and focused on what I need to do. In addition, I dated 3 Asian girls since 2007 – all of them right now today are my best friends and we still hang out and they treat me like a brother/sister relationship where we care about each other. I learned as I was looking back, I was not dating black women but I was dating a negative ideology orchestrated by sistas out to take down her own brotha. But the first thing the sistas will say is I dated the wrong sistas – ask that same sista how many out of wedlock kids she got or what depression medicine she is on and she will go quiet real fast. The one thing I learned dating other sistas is there is an extreme component that we brothas are not looking at when dealing with any woman – her family and most important, her father. I got to meet the father of these other women I’m dating and these are hardworking good men and successful men who love their daughter. And they validated me because they saw I was also a good man with ambitions and goals and discipline. When the father of the woman you dealing with validates you, that is the only one who respect matters and you are not going to see this dynamic dealing with a lot of sistas. The father element is not there and you brothas if you looking for quality, that has to be there. This is not marrying people, you brothas need to learn you are looking to create a family structural unit designed to last generations, that’s why other cultures do pre-arranged marriages because it’s about generations, not two couples infatuation with each other. You brothas look at sistas nowadays especially online and you will see a lot of negativity. Look at those negative ugly sistas at Beyond Black and White – do you honestly want to date or deal with a sista associated with that kind of garbage? I been blogging for nearly 10 years and seen ignorant bloggers like that Christelyn go crazy and self-destruct while putting out negative garbage for a living - that's how they all go out. Then you got these “dark skin women problems” talking about their poor self-esteem problems when the black community going through real issues with economic inequality and injustice where cats cannot even eat and sleep and have shelter but these “dark skin sistas” are busy talking about self-actualization, the top of Maslow hierarchy of Needs lamenting about their skin color like some shallow idiots. You brothas sure you want this kind of crap and nonsense in your life? I am a real man who was raised on the West Side of Chicago in a married household and went out and served in combat and is a war veteran, went to college joined a black fraternity and after graduation, entered the technology industry and became entrepreneurial and travelled globally to see this world and different cultures. I use my real name on the Internet and have nothing to hide because I have always handled my business with cats wanting to try this. I'm too successful and happy with myself to be "bitter" and have too many connections and quality people to never be in a negative situation. You go ahead and let anybody who want to dispute me or call me out - tell them to put their name and record out there and you decide on what’s real and who selling propaganda. And this blog has nothing but years of articles design to uplift brothas and sistas, ask those other people what they wrote and compare what they wrote to what I write, yeah, thought so. But here is the thing I want to leave you brothas with – I want you to check out these sistas over at that Beyond Black and White stuff and look at the obvious. What do you see missing? What you see missing is something I learned to have and what you brothas learned to have – that is called faith. Those negative sistas just like those ugly poets I blogged about earlier have no faith and without faith, they are dead souls just talking. You brothas want a woman that has faith things with will work out, things will get better. I deal with non-black sistas who hear news of natural disasters in their home country wiping out thousands of people that she grew up with – but these women still tell me things like they have faith things will be better and they also tell me they believe in me, what I want to hear and need to hear. Brothas, there is way too many sistas in this world that are not African-American that you can choose to build the empire with and your legacy to pass down to your future generation. We are in a global world and you can get a passport nowadays to make global moves. We brothas had the Million Man March where we atoned for things we done and decided to take responsibility as black men. The sistas did nothing even close to this and took zero responsibility and engage in nothing but negativity and breaking up the black family unit for a social entitlement that will not exist after President Obama leave office. You brothas are hearing from an elder black man and I’m telling you this with 100% sincerity – look elsewhere and find her that will be good to you and have faith in you, the majority of African-American sistas just ain’t the business anymore.

14 thoughts on “In 2015, African-American Brothas Need to Reconsider African-American Sistas as First Choice

  1. Ed, not all sistas are like what you described.I grew up in a two parent home. I believe in the hustle and would love to leave my daughter a legacy. You just were meeting the wrong kind of sistas.

    1. I remember writing this in the article:

      “But the first thing the sistas will say is I dated the wrong sistas…”

      Dana, you sistas do the same broken record over and over – always try to see if you can personify this to an individual and want to think this is my personal issue and problem. Trying to see if you can channel me personally is nothing more than deflection. I’m old and grown – that immature thinking about being hurt or meeting wrong women just ain’t there in my life to entertain, come on now.

      The majority of this article and the majority of my perspective is what others go through, not what I go through. I had a good life – I don’t know what source any of you guys were reading or even on the surface level (technology + business + entrepreneurial + global), can assume I’m this hurt and lonely brotha bitter at sistas. Yall keep pulling that nonsense out as talking points all of you know a lot of brothas read this blog, you should know that. So why even go there thinking if you go after me personally when the other brothas see what yall sistas are trying to do.

      This is not my personal issue, I lived my life and I’m good. Trying to tell a man in his 40s some story about he met the wrong woman or he is hurt when I dedicated my life to deal with bigger issues affecting our community is pretty asinine at best. Yall black women need to quit this line of rhetoric because it kind of embarrassing and pathetic – real men know how to keep it moving no matter what happened – this is why you sistas keep messing up when yall try to go there with the “you been hurt” stuff. That is how you sistas react, being hurt – not men.

      This is an issue for the brothas out there and “not all sistas” are not like that but the majority are. And the “not all sistas” segment you may be referring to, are likely in my inner circle as we speak and they are not even interested in this conversation. The brothas are going to do what they want to do and I’m going to be honest with them, I doubt any sista can even come close to unconvincing a brotha on this subject matter. All she can do is get her own act together.

    2. And one more thing…no need for you to bring up “believe in the hustle” as if I care if you hustle or not or that is something over my head. I already took care of you at the GUC and you can step on somewhere with that nonsense. I only deal with cats real about doing for self, not those that think they hurting me if they choose to not participate in the work I’m putting in to help others do for self. Find someone else to help you with the hustle and building that legacy…

    3. caution do not focus so much on the “hustle” that you neglect you other duties as a parent [common mistake ambitious parents make] and neglect to nurse, guide, teach, train, discipline, love and leave your daughter/children ill prepared mentally to function in this dog eat dog supper competitive world like Bobby and Whitney did Bobbi Kristina, now that’s just being real.

  2. excellent and thought provoking article, however I still want to think there is still hope for the African-American man and the African-American women relationship maybe because I have my AA women for over 30 years now and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world but in order for the African-American man and women to rectify this problem as you have laid out, we must first consciously undo or set aside the mindset liberal and radical feminist put in the black women and most black men starting with reclaiming our relationship with our women, men, family and other like us. But you are right I have seen too many young successful black couples homes and families sabotage because the women brought the poison of unhealthy competition along with radical feminist themes into their house and all of them were good people with well paying job it was mind bogging, you look at them and see nobody is cheating both are working hard both good people it was as if the women married the men to play a game to show how she could tear him down mentally and physically for sport.

    1. There is quality out there trueletterson, it’s just not the sistas who are talking the loudest on the Internet.

      I said over and over there are quality African-American women and men but the problem is the majority of African-Americans had done zero to establish a social structure or a solid foundation to base true love on. These people talking think love and relationship is an entitlement. Even when you look at these fake sistas talking about getting with a white man, you don’t see them talking about things white men like, you just see them talking about being wanted by a white man and showing pics of dating white men.

      Back in the day, black men and black women had two things – family and faith. That is not around in today bigger society and that is why the majority of these black women for example are not even eligible if you run down the list. They have no family except a trifling mother or auntie telling her all kind of nonsense and they have no spiritual faith to work towards things to get better. I’m about to ask the question for example – in the past 7 years of having a black First Lady, what have these black women did? Did they work with Michelle Obama on initiatives or did they watch Scandal? That is what the history books are going to talk about but these sistas do not even realize this.

      I met the niece of a community activist I was working with in Chicago who was beautiful and her father was there and her family was there and they were good people who had faith. Faith is not the same as religion, faith is the belief and conviction on a purpose and path and she had that. She was quality but this is the level you not going to see mainstream out here and she does not have access to lightweight brothas. Both these brothas and sistas living today need to step up their game, elevate their spiritual faith and focus on being family-orientated. They are into bling, social status selfies and other nonsense and got a million YouTube videos on why brothas and sistas cannot have relationships.

      I don’t want the brothas, the good brothas waiting around for a sista to get it together – a brotha can raise a black family no matter who he marries.

    2. I get what your saying True, however it is not up to a man to make a women happy and vice versa.I for one wouldn’t want a weak women who is going to let something like feminism (Which is really an imaginary idealelogy IMO) to shape how she interacts with men. No man that is sound body and mind would want to date a victim, we want to have fun with our mates instead of insecurity being a distraction. Men I think in the 60’s did allow our women to follow the sheep so we were at fault then however, black women knew damn well they were not being oppressed by black men. Me as a single black man I’m not necessarily giving up on black women because I still desire them. Now on the other spectrum I noticed how at ease I was dating a young hispanic female and even when I was at my brokest she made me feel like a king. Growing up in an African household thats a dynamic I was always used too. And because of that I never really dated Black American women. I’m just saying I won’t keep telling people younger then me man or women that they need to only date their race. Just date people of other races and see if race even matters to you. Because usually they want to stay to their own races because of how it “looks” and how other people view you.

  3. Let me first say that I have honestly never responded to anything on the internet, I do not have any social media accounts, nor do I troll or have time to read/keep up with peoples blogs. But when my black american husband, who also happens to be a medical doctor (as am I), came across this blog by way of his fraternity brother and shared it with me; I felt unsettled. I found it disturbing on so many levels, especially as I prepare to bring my first child – a son into this world. As a black person and as a woman I DO NOT like to be stereotyped or ultimately defined by or my outcome in life determined by any one title or characteristic.
    Sir, what you have done in this inarticulate and inaccurate literary expression is diminish and undermine an ENTIRE sub-population based solely on your perceptions, generalizations, and stereotypes.
    I for one am a black american female who is educated way beyond high school, a product of a hardworking-educated single mother, who has not had children out of wedlock, who lacks “baby daddy” issues, who regularly works out with and without my husband, who does not wear weave or fake nails, who does not have bad credit or debt, who has never and will never undermine my husband/marriage in anyway, who does delight in the pleasure of watching Scandal, who does not suffer from underlying “daddy issues”; I can go on-and-on… But with that small description of who I am serves as living proof that your stereotypes of black women are just that, stereotypes and your argument of bitter nothingness has no validity whatsoever.
    We fear that our son will think it is ok to make choices solely on the notion that “white is always right…”. I pray he falls in love with a woman that resembles his mother, his grandmothers, and his aunts despite their ethnic background… that is, a woman who loves him unconditionally, relates to and understands his struggles, rejoices in his success, supports him as a leader in society and the home, and equally shares his interest and beliefs.
    Before I posted my response, I shared it with my husband and he copied the blog post and my response to share with our son when he grows up. He feels it is important for our son to see how some black man have become so numb to the plight and struggle of, have lost faith in the foundation of, and continues to break down the black community with such hateful ideals. He hopes that our son will learn from men like you how not to treat, speak to, or reference black women (all women).
    My charge to you and to all black men who share this jaded view of black women, is to write down all the issues you have with black women as whole, whether it be a list or a letter, and once you finish hand deliver it or read aloud to your mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, niece, girlfriend, wife, and daughter. Explain to them just exactly how it is you see them, how you have such little respect for them, and how you have typecast them all into this stereotypical neck rolling teeth sucking gum smacking head patting round-the-way hood-rat role. Look your daughter and mother in the face and tell them that they are not worthy of your love or the love of any other black man simply because they are black women. If you can actually complete this task straight-faced without and any reservation, then I truly feel sorry for you. I ask that you will then read and reread the following quote from Lillian Pierce Benbow, to seek complete understanding of the meaning, “When I look at you, I see myself. If my eyes are unable to see you as my sister, it is because my own vision is blurred. And if that be so, then it is I who needs you; either because I do not understand who you are my sister, or because I need you to help me understand who I am.”
    Be Blessed

    1. You are teaching your son to have a relationship based on the color of his skin. That is not going to fly with his generation and you need to accept that.

      Other than that, I found all your status-dropping and name-dropping kinda of funny. This is what is referred to as Hippo (Highest Paid Person Opinion) that you tried to flex and I found it hilarious..sorry I don’t care.

      But here is a better idea for black men – how about we go find quality women and marry and raise a family with? A culture of women can be screwed up and the reality is, the culture of black women we have now with underlying factors like poor health and wellness, mental illness and reckless sexual activity (you two are doctors, you know this) is not something that should be ignored to promote racial propaganda.

  4. No reread, and this time for comprehension purposes. I specifically said that I want my son to take in to consideration the character of a person, looking for charactericts similar to that of the women he was raised around, not judging people solely on the color of their skin. I want my son to find and be in love for the sake of love, not specifically seeking out women of different ethnicities because there is this notion that a loving supportive relationship can only and will only exist if it is with someone outside of his ethnic background.
    Your idea that the “quality” of a women is significantly diminshed at the time of birth only because she is black is mind boggling. According to your ramblings I and other black women were born destined to be low quality, dumb, poor, subsidy receiving, leg spreading, big butt/fat over-eating, hypertensive- diabetic, child support chasing THOTs.
    Therefore – following your logic – you were born destined to be a poor, uneducated, low quality, gun carrying, multiple child having with multiple baby mothers, child support dodging, illiterate, gang joing criminal thug. So therefore black women in 2015 should look outside their ethnicity, givng those men higher priority due to their superior quality when considering life partners.
    And, ultimately if your proposal reign true that we as black women are the most pittyful population in existence… then wouldn’t that make you guilty by association as a black man.
    I feel sorry for you. I am sorry that someone hurt you in the past. I am sorry that someone tornished your perceptions of blacks. I am sorry for the self hatred you experience. And most importantly, I am sorry that you as a black man are associated with me as a black woman and black people.
    Also, I didn’t know that knowing a historical figure and being able to quote them was considered name dropping. I also did not know that giving a description of myself dubbed me status dropping – high paid person of opinion. Again, following your logic and your original text, that would make you the exact same thing… I directly quote, “I am a real man who was raised on the West Side of Chicago in a married household and went out and served in combat and is a war veteran, went to college joined a black fraternity and after graduation, entered the technology industry and became entrepreneurial and travelled globally to see this world and different cultures…”
    It takes one to know right!?!

    1. Let’s get a baseline – take your snobby and emotions out of the conversation.

      But other than that – this is not your fight. You did the right thing and the right way and I commend you for that. You did well for yourself and met a man doing well for self while you were students. You invested in a relationship and it paid off.

      You are trying to use your positive and smart life decisions as leverage to defend these other sistas who have not invested in themselves or another man like you did. You are selling yourself short defending those who didn’t put in the same level of faith and work.

      The reality is the marketplace for global sistas expanded. Brothas and good brotha got too many choices to deal with negative cultural attitudes and actions structured by African-American women.

      Do you think namedropping and status going to change reality? No it won’t. Like all of us including you black doctors you have to compete and stay best of breed. No black women is racially entitled to treat black men like crap.

  5. ed, good article.

    Many african-american sisters (and brothers) out there really don’t have a clue about raising their levels of consciousness, the difference between myth/reality, hard work – earning your way, and how to foster a healthy relationship based in honesty & respect.

    There are sistahs out here who are respectful, industrious, intelligent, beautiful, and nuturing. And this is not an indictement on all black women. At the same time, in my experience and observations I’ve found an overwhelming number of sisters wasting time majoring in the minors. These women don’t know how to appreciate a good man. They have a tendency to be domineering, leeching, complaining, superficial, wannabees, looking to get over – in short trifling.

    Therefore, it is a good idea for good brothas who may be having difficulty meeting a pool of good black sistahs to expand his horizons and seek sistahs from other ethnicities. There are some real jewels out there.

    The bottom line is there are desirable and undesirable women in every ethnic group or culture. As good black men in this technological and information age, we have choices. Exercise your choice and don’t put up with disrespectfull and trifling behaviors from any woman especially from your own: you deserve better.

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